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  • Midtown Mediation

Love and hate: are they really opposites?

Although most of us would categorize love and hate as light years apart as far as emotions go, there is research that shows how thin the line really is between the two.

According to scientists at the University College London, UK, love and hate both physically manifest in the brain in the same area of the sub-cortex: specifically, the putamen and the insula.

What does this mean for you? Well, it means you can feel the same intense hatred for your ex as you once did love for them. Practically, however, that means you have to take steps to rationally end those intense feelings. There is power in the knowing. That is the first step.

The next step is reminding yourself that you do not want to have intense feelings for this person anymore - good or bad. That you want to respect them as a human and a co-parent; that you want to role model levelled feelings towards them for your child(ren); that you want to be able to attend functions where they may also be attending without your unresolved emotions towards them dominating the experience. Basically, that you want to co-exist with them.

So perhaps instead of looking at your ex with hate, regret, disdain, and/or remorse, try looking at them with the knowledge that they are what make up the other half of your incredible child(ren), the tiny humans that you love with your whole being, and see if that helps you move into a place where you feeling very little towards them.


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